I find it tough to swallow and accept many of the messages I receive throughout each day. My email inbox and Instagram messages are flooded with notes regarding my beauty and my strength. I often read the line “You are so strong and beautiful, how do you do it?”. And while the image I may portray most of the time is the strength and positivity I have within me, I lack to show some of the true emotions and feelings that I face each day.
I struggle. I get angry and upset. I get down and sad. I worry about my future and I sorrow about my past. I am not Superwoman. Although I am blessed and grateful for my miracle, I still feel the pain many would expect to coincide with such a life-changing event like the one I just went through.
For me, much of my focus has been based upon the idea of reassurance to my audience that I am okay. And the truth is, I am okay. But being okay doesn’t mean I am perfect. I have a great life. I live with 7 of my best friends on a college campus that brings a smile to my face every single day. I have the most beautiful home, filled with the most beautiful family. I drive a nice car and I am very fortunate for many other things I have. And while those are the visible things to many, those are not the things that define me. While my college experience looks flawless, it is not. I struggle in my classes and with managing my time. And even though my home is beautiful, the battles within it are not. I break down. I spend nights in my beautiful room upset and worried. I fight with my parents and yell at my brothers. Behind the smile I show off each day are struggles with anxiety and depression. I am not perfect. I am human. I have my highs and I have my lows. I have my laughs and I have my tears. I am thankful for my life but I am angry with it as well.
But at the end of the day I reassure myself that I am human.
To me, life is about balance. Balance your tears with laughter and balance your frustration with peace. Sometimes it may seem that your struggles outweigh your beauties- but you have to roll with the punches. The lows only make the highs that much more beautiful.
And in due time- everything will be okay.