Today is June 22nd. While a little over two months ago I was laying in my hospital bed on the 21st floor of the James Cancer Hospital, today I am laying in my own bed, thankful to see another day.
Although at troubling times, it is hard to find reasoning as to why, I am a strong believer in everything does happen for a reason. Throughout our lives our strength is tested. And in some ways it is tested deeper than others. Lately I have been tested. Physically, my body has been tested. Day after day that test becomes easier. It is slowly becoming a part of my normalcy. Waking up, putting on my brace so I can walk, explaining to those around me that no, I am not sick, and no, my throat does not hurt, this is just my voice. Physically, my body is adjusting. What has been tougher for me is the mental side of the test. After my surgery, I was elated. Finally after numerous years, I could begin my life feeling healthy. Being 19, recovery time does not seem to want to exist. I want to do what my friends are doing. I want to go to Cedar Point and play beach volleyball. I want to dance and eat pizza late night. But right now, I can’t. The time is what hurts. The waiting is what hurts. While it is not easy to admit, I was impatient before this experience, but I am more impatient now. The only thing pushing against me is time. My leg needs time. My throat needs time. My mind just needs to learn to accept that.
What keeps me going is the reminder to myself that I am a fighter. And while I know this test that I am currently taking will not be an easy one, I know I won’t fail it.